This is a real party. Good times. Real times. aaahhhhhhhh. Once it hits 1:58, everything happens.
I’ve been seriously thinking….
I may take on the daunting task of being vegan/straight-edge. This isn’t something I want to “try.” I want it to be something to do when I’m ready. I have had many people try to talk me out of these confining words, but when I sit alone with myself, it’s all that seems right. It is scary, hard, emotional, and will just cause me to be more removed from society, but it does seem to be the most pure, un-inhibited kind of life. I do think: “If this would be more fun drunk or high, I should be doing something cooler.” And it’s true. It forces me to have a fun, real time. All of my most cherished memories are while sober. I have had crazy drunk-times, and met cool people, but all of my real relationships are sober experiences. I’m not all-the-way vegan or straight edge yet, and I know it causes people to judge me for judging them, but you are not bad if you aren’t straight-edge (terming it may even be counter-productive). Maybe these thoughts haunt my dreams and gut for a reason. Maybe I’m searching for something bigger than me. Something needs to change for the better. I don’t want to lie on my death bed thinking back to all the nights I can’t remember or days I spent laying down drunk/high with friends. I want to remember the time me and my buds biked downtown, protested the NATO world police, got chased by Chicago cops, and were sober the whole time, but have never felt so high.
You might wonder why I’m an asshole I wonder I’m so uptight I wonder why I just don’t chill out And learn how to have a good time But sometimes I’m scared right out of my mind And sometimes I just get angry Because I’ve been let down by the people that I love But I will not let down the people who love me.
“
Smiling with the upmost sincerity the truth I feel from your warm presence is the finale. I feel worthwhile when you’re around. The amount of lies and deceit is what keeps one eye open at all times! I still have faith in you. I feel worthwhile when you’re around.
“
Sometimes, when I can’t sleep, I just argue with the ignorant, mean, degrading, homophobic, sexist assholes on Facebook.
If my notebook…
Could talk back to me maybe social interactions would be better? Maybe its an excuse to criticize everything because you can’t argue at a song, or text, because at the moment you are listening/reading, I have the floor. When I cram my gashes with words I cram my gashes with medicine. I feel better now but worse later. Examine our lives. See our problems. Sometimes we must ask MANY close people to help see our problems, but their words are not gold. We are not gold.
